Zombies wear masks while tobogganing

Vincent J. Curtis

21 Feb 21

RE: Mask up before you hit toboggan hills.  Hamilton Spectator 20 Feb 21.

Hamilton city officials want you to wear your mask while tobogganing. Outdoors.  Seriously.

Tobogganing involves riding something very fast down a hill.  To avoid collisions, toboggans are ridden widely distanced.  Plenty of fresh air is inhaled in the course of a day tobogganing.

City officials need to have “the science” of masking explained to them.  The first step is to have them stretch out their hand on a table.  You then smash their hand hard with a ball-peen hammer.  If they react, it shows they’re sentient enough to understand what’s going to be told them.  Zombies that are “only doing their job” don’t react.

The science of masking is to avoid breathing another’s air.  Ideally, be alone.  When with other people, the ideal condition is outdoors in a breeze, as in tobogganing.  Masks could be worn when indoors and you can’t avoid an intense interaction within one meter’s distance with a contagious person.  Two meters, some say.  Two meters distance is sufficient to prevent someone from passing his viruses through the air into your breathing space.

Outdoors, in wind, viruses get blown away, meaning mask-wearing is useless, redundant, stupid, and worthy of zombies.  Intense interactions with strangers while tobogganing is rare and highly undesirable.  See “safety.”

We needn’t get into the science of masks per se, since wearing a surgical mask while tobogganing is not just useless, stupid, and unscientific; it’s downright painful due to the cold.  Zombies don’t feel pain.

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